I blame hormones…

Over the last weekend or so, I have been getting very emotional over work, DH, etc. It felt like PMS or something, which of course it is not. I blame the hormones for my irritability. I got home on Friday after a rough day at work and I realized I wasn’t even happy that I was home and that it was Friday. All I could think was Monday morning I have to go back to this job that I hate. I think it was a combination of a bad work week and having nothing fun planned for the weekend. I was short with DH because he hadn’t started cooking the rice that we needed to go with our leftovers. I was starving yet we had nothing to snack on. After an uncomfortable dinner, I went to the office and starting crying from the crappy day that I had had. DH came in and comforted me and I got over it eventually.

The next day, I went to yoga around noonish and ran a few errands. I came home and realized that DH had gone to a porn website. Grrr…..I don’t know. I guess I don’t really care that much if he looks at porn. He does it rarely and if I don’t know about it and it doesn’t affect our sex life, that’s fine with me. But this is not what I needed now. It hurt because we hadn’t had sex in a few days, because neither he or I had initiated it. I’m still in the “I look fat” stage of pregnancy and feeling self-conscious. I mean, I’m here to have sex with him whenever he wants it. I rarely turn him down. It is much more likely that he will turn me down. I broke down again. DH apologized profusely and said that he was just bored and that if he knew that it upset me, he would never do it. It was just really bad timing. I’ve also told DH in the past I don’t want him going to those websites on our computer, because I don’t want viruses.

We talked and made up and then had some nice make-up sex later that day. The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. I was kind of bored really and wish that it was warmer and I was more inspired to go out. DH kind of annoys me with his unwillingness to do anything on the weekends. Like he was whining so much about going to the grocery store on Sunday like we usually do, that I let him off the hook and went and did it all. He agreed to make our lunches for the week. He made this really yummy butternut squash soup that we found a recipe for in a What to Expect Eating Right book that someone got me. We make enough for 8 servings and portion it out into little containers and voila, we have lunches for the week. Shopping was a PITA though. Target was insanely crowded, but the deals were so good, I couldn’t pass them up. I hate crowds when shopping and the entire shopping complex was insanity. I stopped at Barnes & Noble to use up a GC I got for Christmas. I got a pregnancy yoga/pilates DVD, another historical fiction book , and ordered a hypnobirthing book that will be delivered soon. Then it was on to Giant to get the rest of the stuff on our list. I got a lot of groceries and I spent a decent amount of money but it is all stuff that will get eaten or used. I wish that we could budget better for groceries, but it is difficult. We try to eat healthy and eat some things organic so it makes it more expensive. We do shop some sales, but many times we decide the menu without looking at the sales. I figure we should have a fully stocked fridge and as long as we’re eating everything in the fridge and pantry and we’re trying to be healthy, then we’re doing pretty good.

I’m more revved up in my job search recently because I found a few jobs online that I’m both interested in and qualified for. I’m really hoping one of these comes through. Getting a job more in line with what I’m interested in would be wonderful to me and really enrich my life. At present, I’m happy with H, with our life together, with our little apartment, with our finances, and with the little one coming in July. But my job is the one nagging thing that detracts from this wonderful life. I’m really hoping something comes through and that I’m able to get out of this office. The pregnancy thing complicates it a little if I get a job soon. But I’m not going to tell anyone in any interviews I have because it should not make a difference. It’s the government so they’re pretty understanding about maternity leave, etc.