I’ve been going through ups and downs over the last couple of days. Every now and then, a wave of panic goes through me. They consist of a wide variety of worries which include: what if something happens to the baby, oh crap we’re having a baby our lives are going to change forever, what if DH and I fight a lot because we’re exhausted when we have a baby crying all night, I don’t know what I’m doing with a baby…..

I figure these are all normal worries that come with parenthood but I think they have been affecting my sleep. I’ve been waking up an hour or half-hour before I’m supposed to get up and then the worries start. Usually I sleep just fine. But it’s weird, I think it has to do with that now I’m not just responsible for myself, I’m responsible for another person: a completely helpless person that will depend on me for a long, long time.

On to happier news, DH and I are going to my gynecologist on Tuesday (my next Friday appointment had to be moved). I’m not sure if I’m going to get a sonogram. The lady mentioned something about that over the phone. But I know they don’t usually do those in the beginning if there is no history of miscarriage or no spotting. I hope it’s covered by insurance. It would be wonderful to see our little sea monkey on the screen (DH and I are calling the baby that for now). I’ve been reading my pregnancy book, which has been very interesting and informative. I have a hard time putting it down. There are a lot of worrying things in there, but I suppose it’s good to be informed.
Another piece of good news is that I’ve been doing some research on Leave Donation and I’m pretty sure that I can qualify for leave donation. I figured it out and I’ll have about two weeks of annual leave around the time the baby comes, which is not enough. I have plenty of sick leave, but I can only use it for a certain amount of time I think depending on if I have a vaginal or c-section birth. Well the leave donation program means that other federal government employees can donate leave to me even my sister (who is in the military). She has a ton of leave because she’s in Iraq and doesn’t use leave very often. She even joked the other day about giving me some leave. So I think I can get some from her. I hope I might be able to get some other leave from people in my office. I work with a ton of older federal government employees who have tons of leave accrued over the years. So if I could get the 6-weeks maximum that I can get donated for maternity leave plus whatever leave I have. I hope that I might be able to have a 2-month maternity leave, which would be great! Although I could take 3 months off, I wouldn’t have enough leave to cover it and going leave without pay is not something I really want to do. Although we have the money in savings to do it, I make a lot more money than my husband and it would hurt us a lot.

I think we’ve decided that we’re not going to try to buy anything next year. The baby kind of decided that for us. We will have probably about $20K saved up by the time the baby comes and we need to keep that for an emergency. Also, we love our apartment and neighborhood. We’re not ready to leave yet. I’m planning on taking the Foreign Service exam next year at the end of the summer. So, we really have no idea how long we’ll be in the area. Lots of things are up in the air, but DH and I are just trying to be flexible and do what it best for us and our little sea monkey.

Another tidbit of good news is that we sold my car yesterday. It was the first car that I’ve ever had just as my own (my sister and I had always shared one in HS). It needed repairs that we weren’t willing to make and it wasn’t worth it dumping more money into it. We sold it for $600, which was less than we offered for, but a fair price. We’re a one truck family for now. It’s a pain a little bit because it’s a two-seater truck. So, we can’t drive people around and when we go grocery shopping it gets very tight. We’ll buy a new one eventually before the baby comes after we build our savings a little more.