Up and down…

So our trip to NJ went pretty good. It was fun and relaxing, but I was kind of bored for a lot of the time. There was a lot of down time and too many trips to the mall. Plus, it was kind of boring watching everyone drink and have fun, while I sat on the sidelines. Friday was the day we were supposed to go into Philly, but we ended up going to two different extremely packed malls. I had agreed to go with my SIL, DH’s cousin (Sara) and DH’s aunt because I wanted to get out of the house. (I will get to the house later) Well we went to Best Buy and then another mall. I don’t do well in crowds, but I was trying to stay calm and not freak out like I do sometimes when I’m with DH. I wasn’t really in the mood to buy anything so I just did a lot of window shopping with SIL and DH’s cousin. So we ended up going to another mall for some reason and that was just as crowded and I was bored again. Finally, we met the boys (DH, BIL, and Sara’s H) in Philly. They had already done the one thing that I had wanted to do, go to one of the famous Cheesesteak places. Luckily DH saved me half a sandwich so I got to have one. We went to a few bars wear I was again bored. I realized I’m a very shy person and I don’t have a lot in common with SIL and Sara. They’re very close and that’s great but I just don’t fit in as well.
Of course the entire trip everyone was gushing over my pregnancy, which is nice but it led to lots of questions. DH’s aunt is very nice, but very inquisitive. There was one point where DH started explaining how I’m going to take two months off. But I corrected him because I hope to take two months off, but it’s not guaranteed. I’m dependent on getting donated leave from colleagues and my sister. He knew this because I explained it to him, but he acts like it’s all new to him….grrrr…Sometimes he just doesn’t listen to what I say or remember it. Then he goes on about how expensive daycare is, exaggerating the numbers based on what one of his coworkers pays. It just irritated me because this is not something that we need to be talking to his aunt about. It stresses me out. We’ll figure it all out. But we don’t need to tell everyone the intimate details of our life. He was just painting such a bleak picture that it made me depressed. I’m trying to be hopeful, but realistic at the same time. We will work things out and make the best decisions for us and the baby. I just don’t want to go over every detail of our lives with other people. I’m not sure DH gets this yet, but I will have to have a conversation of things I don’t want shared with everyone before we go home for Christmas.

Another thing that caused this conversation to aggravate me was that this was all taking place in Sara’s huge house that is all ready for a baby. Sara only works part-time and is a SAHW for the most part. She even has a crib which I assume was ordered from her first pregnancy that she lost. Their house and everything about it was so beautiful and comfortable. Sara is a year older than DH and her H is about 5 years older than DH. This is going to sound terrible, but it depressed me somewhat being in their house and knowing that we will never be able to have a house like this in the DC area. They said they bought it as a foreclosure for $374K. You would be able to get a 2-bedroom apartment in our neighborhood for that much. I never knew that I would want a beautiful house like that until I saw it first hand. But that is not the life that we have and maybe that’s not the life I want. There are a lot of wonderful things in DC that we would miss out on. Also, I would not be able to have career that I want living in nowhere NJ. I know that life we live is a trade-off. But seeing a house like that makes me question whether I want to stay in DC indefinitely.
I go back and forth. It would make our lives easier just to move to FL and be near family, but we would be giving up on so many things we love: changing seasons, culture in DC, driving out to the VA countryside, a career in international affairs, going into the city on the weekends, living within walking distance of restaurants, bars, library, etc. It’s difficult, but I think the pros of living in DC outweigh the cons, at least for now.